Blame it on Jack

The beautiful thing about being an author is that one can take their less popular, politically incorrect ideals and put them in the mouth of someone else—to be blamed later. With that in mind, I would like to blame the following on Jack Hacker.

August 9

Some Jackass politician talked about the progressiveness of our country today. Said what a great thing it was that we, as a nation, would elect a black man into the White House. Said Dr Martin Luther King Jr. would be proud.

Bull. Dr. King had a dream of equality, of a world without racism. In that world, no one would notice that we have a black President. No one would care. He’s a man who happens to have dark skin; a condition accounted for by 0.0025% of his genetic code. That’s less than one percent. Less than one tenth of a percent. Less than a hundredth of a percent. That’s not enough to alter his race from anything but human; not like it did between the gorillas, orangutans, and chimpanzees in Planet of the Apes. The only thing that sets him apart is his heritage. That’s not big deal, or at least, it shouldn’t be.

Told someone in a campaign shirt that I didn’t care for his man’s politics. They called me a racist. I guess he noticed the color of his man’s skin. I guess heritage is a big deal, something to be proud of, something to be obnoxious about. Perhaps I should give up my crazy ideals and celebrate my Arian heritage they way some revel in their African roots. Perhaps I should join my local chapter of the Ku Klux Klan. Petition my congressman for a White History Month.

Of course, some racists might protest my newly embraced racism. But I could sue them for reverse discrimination—hell, can’t even say it with a straight face. Nothing reverse about it.

No, Dr. King wouldn’t be proud. We haven’t progressed at all since the day we splattered his brilliance all over a Memphis hotel. Instead, we’ve settled for packaging the same shit in a different toilet. I guess just flushing and starting over is too much of a hassle.

Sorry, Dr. King.

We haven’t flushed racism in this country.

We just swore it into office.