Exactly How Does One Research Masochism?

As usual, I have about six different major ideas trying to force their way out of my head at the same time, and after prayer and deliberation, I’ve finally decided to start writing the novel, “Burlesque.” This makes me both excited and nervous.

When I was writing the eventually abandoned novel, “Wounded,” I had cutters coming out of the woodwork, including a girl at the local Christian bookstore who pulled back a scarf around her wrist to show me her scars. It was great for research purposes, as I had all these brains to pick. In addition, I hit a spell of depression at that time, which is very out of character for me, and I spent a month asking God what He was up to. He told me that this is what my characters were going through, so I needed to go through it also. If the novel didn’t have so many structural problems, I’d try to get it published.

In the same way, God brought me a witch when I started writing “Ripper Grimm,” a novel currently being reviewed for publication. Again, it was great having a brain to pick and ask my silly questions.

Given that God loves helping me with my research in this manner, I’ve opted to delay work on my zombie musical. Say what you will, but I’ve learned to trust His sense of humor.

Which leads me to “Burlesque,” a novel about sex, sexual abuse, sexual aberrations, and a Las Vegas recreation of the infamous Parisian Theatre of Horror, the Grand Guignol. Researching the theatre aspect of this isn’t going to be a problem. I have some resources on the Grand Guignol, on theatre in general, and a handful of thespian friends. The only exception to this is that I need to know what the various slot in a burlesque show are called, and I’m having trouble finding it. Is the fan dancer performing in the forth slot, vignette, segment, or what? If you know, please share. If not, I have a few other options.

But exactly how does one go about researching the Adult Entertainment Industry without researching the Adult Entertainment Industry, if you get my meaning? My deacon has agreed to go to a few local burlesque shows with me, as a matter of keeping me accountable, which is good. (Hopefully, he won’t come wearing a dress, but that’s another issue altogether.) However, the story requires a far more broad scope of research than the show can accommodate. The element of masochism, for example, plays a part in the story, and somehow I don’t feel all that comfortable about strolling into a BDSM dungeon and saying to the girl strapped to a St. Andrew’s Cross, “Excuse me, miss, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?”

Wikipedia can only tell you so much.

I know that the parts of the brain that register pleasure and pain are so close together that the two are sometimes confused, but I have to wonder if there isn’t a psychological reason for it as well. i.e. abuse as children and eventually the two were connected in the mind. A friend of mine once told that that all fruits have roots, and I’m needing to know the roots of this particular predilection. If anyone reading this is a closet masochist or knows of a masochist who’s willing to let me pick their brain I would greatly appreciate it.

The only other option I know of is SuicideGirls.com where I’m told the girls keep blogs. But wouldn’t that be awkward; a married man in his late thirties writing to salacious twenty-somethings about what makes them tick sexually. And of course, I don’t feel right with having a membership to a soft porn website.

Someone pointed out that the blogs would be filled with lies anyway because the girls are likely lying, albeit unknowingly, to themselves. Her suggestion was to visit a Christian Counselor who deals with this issue. My problem with this approach is that I don’t want to be spoon-fed the answers. (Remember: wrestling with the questions is the whole point? See: “Can You Repeat the Question?”) If I’ve worked my way through the lie, it would be easier to blaze a trail for others. As the slogan of my life says, “Sometimes calling people out of the darkness means going in after them.”

I’m also trying to wrap my head around why girls would think it empowering to post naked pictures of themselves online. Current thoughts are that it’s an act of freedom as one ventures into the adult world, that one would enjoy the attention and the “power” their beauty would have over men, and of course, the power that comes with artistic expression. We all want to be known, and there is something remarkably freeing about being honest. There is also the view/theory that having been sexually abused as children, these girls now equate their self-worth with their sex appeal; therefore being considered sexy is the same as being loved. If anyone has any other thoughts on this issue…

(To think that some people get to write light-hearted children’s books about puppy dogs and giving a pig a pancake.)

The point is that while I seem to be tripping over people with stories about sexual abuse when they were children, I’m needing stories about people who continue to misuse the gift of sex that God has given us. Forgive my opinion, but I’m noting that those who are abused by sex when they’re young often grow with a misunderstanding of their sexual identity and therefore abuse sex itself.

In short, I need to pick the brain of someone of the BDSM community, gather stories about sexual abuse, and learn about the world of burlesque—all while staying faithful to my beautiful wife. Any help anyone could offer would be appreciated. If you don’t feel comfortable leaving comments on the blog itself, you can email me directly at Juraeth@talesfromthecross.com. I’m the only one who reads it, and I’d be more than happy to honor your privacy.

If you have no stories or thoughts to share, I still covet your prayers. My particular calling takes me into some very dark places.